Air America Phoenix, Progressive Radio—Progressively Hypocritical

My sister just bought a house way the hell out in Southwest Phoenix a couple of months ago. Last weekend, I decided to take a trek over there because she said she’d let me have the old Super Nintendo system we used to have growing up. I was a bit disappointed when I got it home though because my Super Return of the Jedi and NBA Jam! Cartridges are missing (He’s heating up!). But anyway, on the 45 minute drive out there, I scanned the AM dial to look for the Air America affiliate that I’d heard had been launched.

I usually avoid news/politics talk radio because the people that participate make sports talk callers look well informed and intelligent, but I watched a documentary about Air America’s troubled startup and decided to tune in.

5pm to 7pm on Saturday, I discovered, is the M&M Show. The M&M “show” is 2 guys, brothers I think, who are so well regarded that they get 2 hours in the late afternoon on a Saturday in a Red State.

And they proceeded to do the exact same shit that turns me off from conservative talk radio. They used rhetorical talking points without representing an informed, well-thought out point-of-view. They constantly railed about how “they’re winning!” Take a look around the country fellas. They shouted down an old war veteran when you don’t need to shout anyone down on radio, you can just mute them, unless, of course, you’re trying to make a point that you’re edgy and controversial and in-your-face.

And for their grand finale, they decided to have some fun with Rush Limbaugh’s name and referred to him as “Limpwrist.”

I’ve got more than one problem with that.

1. Punning on someone’s name is probably about the most juvenile thing possible. I was expecting to hear “Rush Rush Bo Bush, Banana Nana No Nush, Fee Fie Fo Fush……” next.

2. If you’re going to make fun of someone’s name, make it funny like “In a Rush to find my next Oxy fix” or “Limpnoodle” because….

3. By broadcasting on a progressive/liberal station, you lose your right to get to make passive/aggressive gay bashing jokes, you idiots!

How does using a derogatory term for a gay person as an insult possibly jive with the values and politics these two purport to have? It doesn’t.

These 2 twerps were bragging about how they were such good “BP’s” (that’s button pushers in case you don’t plan your weekend around listening to them). That’s how people who don’t have better ideas operate. They wind others up to get them to make themselves and their point-of-view stupid—and that’s frankly how a lot of conservative talk hosts operate. That and they yell.

Which is what I wrote about earlier. A veteran of two wars called in to try to argue his opinion and these two yelled over the top of him before he could even get to the predicates of his sentences. And in doing so, they informed this gentleman that they were anti-military because they loved peace.

I don’t even know where to begin to touch that one, but I’ll start by saying that it’s a perfect example of why the term “liberal” has earned a 4-letter connotation over the last 30 years. I’m all in favor of idealism. We ought to strive for the ideal. But claiming that you are anti-military because you love peace is such a piece of zero-sum bullshit, that it fails to even deal in reality. It completely displaces compassion, empathy and appreciation for American women and men who choose to fight and defend our country so that people who don’t want to fight, don’t have to. It also neglects the fact that whether one likes it or not, a military—a damned good military—is a necessity in our world. Now I’m as anti-irresponsible-use-of-the-military as the next guy, but a distinction needs to be drawn, lest you come across as a numbnut with his head so high in the clouds, he can’t see the storm beneath.


So when I got home, I sat down immediately and emailed Air America Phoenix to tell them how disappointed I was as a first time listener to hear Sean Hannity’s show from the polar opposite perspective since “progressive” means, I don’t know--progress, moving forward, new stuff?!

If you are able to present and convey better ideas and truth in a well-informed, easy-to-understand, dare I say pleasant, manner, one stands a chance at changing minds. And isn’t that what progressive talk radio should be about? Or is it just about providing a head-nodding amenathon for those of us further left of center? Based on my experience, I’m going to assume the latter until I hear differently.

And the self-dubbed “start-up” hasn’t bothered to respond to me. So I’m doing the only thing I can do—pit the 8 readers of my blog against the 5 listeners of their program and drive them off the radio dial and back to obscurity forever. Mwah hah hah.

So I encourage you, dear reader, to write to KXXT 1010, Air America Phoenix at:

comments@1010kxxt.com


and not only further express my dissatisfaction with their hypocritical Saturday afternoon puppet show, but to suggest to them that I am the voice of progress and that I should be given my own pulpit from which to preach to the mountaintops the right takes, my takes, on things in the world today.


P.S. Air America Phoenix—If you want to be taken seriously, you’re going to need to get better ad sponsors. I don’t need Garafalo telling me to throw out my TV and go to the Phoenix Theater (we have a theater?) and watch a musical. Once again, you’re pandering to people who already agree with you. Save the elitist snobbery for our Congressmen.

Waiting to see Star Wars, or "Why I Hate White Kids."

I got a hair up my ass yesterday to go see the new Star Wars flick at midnight. I hopped online at lunch and got a couple of tickets to the multiplex a few miles from home. This theater actually ended up doing a pretty good job. They were having somewhere around 6 showings at 12:01am. We got to the multiplex at about 9:30pm and were surprised to see that there wasn’t a huge line waiting to get in. The multiplex actually scrapped the last showings of the other movies so they could make the theaters available when people arrived for Star Wars instead of waiting outside in line. It was nice to be able to relax in the AC in a chair and there wasn’t 6 theaters worth of people in line at the snack bar a half hour before the movie started.

All in all, it made for a decent 2 and a half hour wait, if there is such thing. Except for the dozen assholes sitting in the row behind us.

Goddamn I can’t express how much I hate middle class suburban high school fucking white kids.

I’ve got about the foulest mouth of anyone I know and I’d never heard anyone modify as many words in one sentence with the word, “fuck” as these idiots were doing. If every other word out of their mouth wasn’t “like” it was probably “fuck.”

And I understand these kids were probably of a pubescent age, but from what I could hear—and I could hear everything since they shouted back and forth at one another for the better part of 3 hours—these kids had like fucking hooked fucking up with like every fucking like girl at their fucking school. I had to listen to how people with a 300 word vocabulary struggle to find the words to brag to their equally vapid friends about things that probably didn’t happen and other things that they were going to do this weekend that probably aren’t going to happen either. Oh, and as a prerequisite, every line of thought had to start off with “I was fucking wasted….”

And this went on. And on. And like fucking on.

And it burns my gut that these little Hollister and Fitch fucks are staying out ‘til 3 in the morning on a school night to watch a movie so they have an excuse to skip class or sleep through it the next day, even though it’s final’s week, because they don’t have to study to get their C- that gets them in to State college where they’ll be far away enough from mom’s house to get Nattied and 3-pump the fat co-ed in the next dorm whenever they want, but close enough to get their palm crossed with a couple of c-notes from Dad so the Doritos and weed don’t run out before they can get their degree in Business in 6 years—6 years spent still going parties attended by students at the high school they graduated from with Stewy, Dewey, Brick, Gump, and their other friends whose nicknames are derived by adding a “y” to a syllable in their last name or something/somebody that they’re barely smarter than—so that the American workforce can continue to have a fresh supply of Alpha-types to fill countless outside sales positions and bank 6 figures while doing nothing at work but kissing ass, traveling, lying, and cheating on their butterface wife with the fake rack so they can get their divorce and go live in an apartment they can barely afford while they’re supporting their two boys who are so developmentally disabled from their genetic predisposition towards utter stupidity that they grow up to continue the cycle of shallow, banal, self-gratifying existence.

Goddamn, do I fucking like hate fucking middle class fucking suburban like high school fucking white kids.

Give the money back? That's whack.

Now that Jason Giambi has become pretty much what everyone expected him to become without his MVPJuice, the sanctimonious assholes are at it again.
Peter Gammons, Skip Bayless, and anyone else with a forum and a readership is railing about how Giambi needs to accept a trip to the minors, or negotiate a buyout of his contract, or die on a cross made of Louisville Sluggers and pay for the sins of his generation, or whatever else the armchairs can think of that makes things just in their world and gives them the self-righteous feeling of “That’s what I would do if I was in that situation.”

There’s plenty of blame to heap on Giambi. He was a mediocre, insecure ballplayer and he found the magic bullet. And he shot high capacity magazines into his veins for years. Now he’s paying the price.
But why all the sympathy for the motherfucking Yankees? These are the motherfucking Yankees we’re talking about!!
The same Yankees who, in their effort to give a ridiculous contract to a guy who was sure to have had plenty of people whispering “steroids” at the time, actually gave in to Giambi’s agent at the negotiating table when he asked specifically for a clause relating to voiding the contract if Giambi used steroids. !!!!!

Now everyone thinks Giambi should just give the money back?
Why?
Everyone including the Yankees knew he was using when he signed the goddamned deal. And neither party gave a shit because Giambi was going to go out, mash, drive in a shit load of runs, and win World Series’.

For Steinbrenner and his cronies, that was an acceptable level of risk. But you know what? That’s why they call it “exposure.” There’s a chance you’ll get depantsed and everyone will laugh at your tiny dick.

Give the money back? My ass. Where’s the precedent in that? Why is Giambi being held to a higher standard than everyone else?

Because the holier-than-thou sportswriters, to a man, would give back $80M if they were in his spikes.

If you want to blame someone, blame the owners for being a doormat during collective bargaining for the last 50 years. Blame the owners who allowed guaranteed contracts (like Giambi’s) to become the rule instead of the exception.
Did you get that word, George? G-U-A-R-A-N-T-E-E-D? That means you owe him the money no matter what.
If you had stuck to your guns and not allowed the steroid language to be stricken, maybe I’d have some sympathy and you’d have a leg to stand on.
But you don’t, so pay him his fucking money.

He won’t accept an assignment to the minor leagues? It’s the right thing to do?
So what!? It’s part of the collectively bargained labor deal. A guy with his service time doesn’t HAVE to go to the minor leagues!!

These are the rules everyone agreed to, yet now it’s convenient to expect one guy to not have to play by them because he’s the posterboy.

I’m still waiting for the “Alex Sanchez Should Forfeit His Salary” column, Gammons.

The same people who are telling you that Terrell Owens and Drew Rosenhaus are devils because they’re not honoring a contract that T.O. signed are telling you that Jason Giambi is a devil because he IS honoring a contract that he signed.

And I got a name for people that tell you things like that: Assholes.

I've Solved the Mysteries of Humanity and I Have the Solution

I never studied philosophy in school but from time to time, I get what I consider to be “philosophical.” Millions, maybe billions of people dedicate at least some portion of their lives to following a faith or a way of life or a way of thinking—some sort of moral code or compass to guide and shape us.
Many people seem to have an innate need for something bigger than their meager existence to exist, something to validate life. People believe in higher authority as a means to figure out what life, etc. is about.

I think, deep down, we know what it’s all about.

The Christians are wrong. Jesus was a cool dude, no doubt. Hell of a rabbi. Good parabler. Hung out with the real salt-of-the-earth types and embraced them as His friends. But Christians lost sight of Jesus’ message hundreds of years ago. They keep reading the words in the Book, but they don’t know what they mean. Sorry Red Americans and others like you. That isn’t what it’s about.

Muslims? They’re wrong too. The 99% majority has allowed the 1% minority of extremists to sour the world with their corruption and hijacking of a legitimate religion.

The Catholics pray to pieces of cloth, wood, and stains on overpasses. They do get some points for being one of the firsts to politicize their organization into a real temporal power. An impressive accomplishment, but unfortunately it has fuck all to do with what life is really about.

I feel bad for the Jews, because history hasn’t treated them well. At all. There’s a little too much guilt involved in being a Jew, and far too many culinary rules to follow. As one of the founders of genital mutilation, they clearly are not right.

The Eastern “religions” are an interesting lot, but they’re too focuses on pithy little expressions, thinking an awful lot, letting people trample you with horses and other passive bullshit for me to think that they’ve got it right.

Atheists, intellectuals, scientists etc.—Let me just tell you that your elitism has the exact same polarizing effect that you think the faithful are guilty of. Reconcile the strength of people’s faith with your acceptance of only what’s proven. There can be an accepting of both.

I have a dream, and my dream is to someday see the people of the world come together and realize the truth.
And that truth, as they say, shall set us free.

I want to see everyone: Christians, Jews, Muslims, Catholics, Buddhists, Taoists, Shintoists, Hindus, Freaks, Geeks, Jerks, Pricks, Idiots, Black, White, Brown, Yellow, Blue, Red, Short, Tall, Fat, Skinny, Pretty, Ugly, Hetero, Homo, or Metro-sexual, yes—Everyone! gather together in a giant, all-encompassing worldly circle, to hold hands and put their right foot in.
And put their right foot out.
And put their right foot in.
And shake that motherfucker all about.
Do the hokey pokey, and turn ourselves around.
Because THAT, my friends, as we’ve all grown up to know, is really what it’s all about.

There can truly be world peace through the hokey pokey. Would a suicide bomber really go through with his task if he went into a café only to be welcomed into the dancing circle of people thrusting their appendages in and out of the middle? And shaking them joyously all about?

Could a death squad soldier a back-water African dictatorship really look at a hokey-pokeying circle of bushmen and possibly want to slaughter them instead of joining in?

Presidential debating and mudslinging would be a thing of the past. I want to see our politicians get their hokey-pokey on. Proper decision making and legislation will fall easily into place.

The next time you feel desperate, unhappy, depressed, helpless—like you don’t know why you’re here—get a few chums together. Gather together. Put your whole self in. Take your whole self out.

You see. That’s what it’s all about.

Joe Morgan is a Fish-Taco Loving Asshole.

I was watching ESPN’s telecast of the Dodgers/Nationals game last night and had to suffer through Joe Morgan’s color commentary. I’ll come right out and say that I have an axe to grind with Morgan.
A few years back, my friend The Rick and I were cruising around the concourse at Bank One Ballpark before a game and we saw Mr. Morgan walking as well. He was hitting up every concession stand, frantically asking where he could score some fish tacos. Either Joe Morgan really, really, really likes fish tacos or “fish tacos” is the new street name for crack or heroin or something, because Joe Morgan needed his fish taco fix and he needed it now.

Sorry to break it to you Joe, but they don’t sell fish tacos, crack, or heroin at the BOB. Maybe across the street in the warehouse district.

Well, The Rick and I were like, “Wow, check it out, there’s Hall of Famer, Joe Morgan!”
So as he’s walking by us, drooling, obsessed with lightly breaded cod filets topped with cabbage, lime, and salsa wrapped in a soft corn tortilla, we tried to strike up a casual conversation with him.
“Hey Mr. Morgan, welcome to Phoenix, how’s it goin?”
Joe Morgan stopped, rolled his eyes at us, turned on a dime and stormed off in the other direction.
I wish I’d have had the presence of mind to shout “Go shove a fish taco up your stupid ass” or something to that effect, but I didn’t.
I did write a formal, polite letter to ESPN expressing my dissatisfaction with the professionalism of their broadcasting employee, to which I never got a response.

Well, years later, Joe Morgan has picked up 2 Sports Emmys. I know this because they brought a cake up to the broadcast booth last night to celebrate it. It was chocolate, with white frosting I think. Not a fish taco in sight. Sorry, Asshole.
Joe Morgan, in his effort to be humble said how honored he was to win the award over the other nominees who included John Madden and Cris Collinsworth. Quite the accomplishment, Asshole.

It’s clear to me that winning a Sports Emmy is like winning a Gold Glove—it doesn’t quite denote the accomplishments that it’s supposed to. I think the Sports Emmy voters just give it to the guy who was actually the best player in their heyday, because it’s clear that they’ve never listened to Joe Morgan’s commentary.

Last night, he couldn’t shut his fish taco hole about Livan Hernandez slowing his arm down to throw his changeup. It was a good catch the first time. I didn’t notice it myself. Livan Hernandez probably threw about 20 changeups last night and good ol’ Joe Morgan informed us Every. Single. Time. that “Boy, that’s weird, I’ve never noticed Livan Hernandez slowing his arm speed to throw his changeup.”

Talk about a one-trick pony.

Make that two tricks. Joe Morgan also informed us about 17 time that Dodger starter Odalis Perez was perilously close to balking on his move to first. Since he never got called for it, I’d say that’s just a good move to first base, Asshole.

Aside from Joe Morgan’s banal commentary and less-than-insightful, repetitive “analysis,” he made a bid for getting his precious Sports Emmy ripped out of his fishy smelling paws when he decided to chime in on Nationals outfielder Jose Guillen’s situation last year.
For anyone that doesn’t know, last year, in the final month of the season, Jose Guillen (then of the Anaheim Angels) was lifted for a pinch runner by his manager, Mike Scioscia. Well Jose Guillen is too good to be lifted for a pinch runner and he returned to the dugout, spiked his helmet at Scioscia (“He claims he was throwing it towards where the helments go”—thanks, Asshole), then lit into him during a profanity-laced tirade that extended to the clubhouse.
What did the Angels do? Well thank crap they suspended him for the remainder of the season, the playoffs, then cut his stupid ass loose, which is why he ended up in Washington.
Joe Morgan says that the Angels cheated the other 25 players and their fans by getting rid of Guillen, because “it didn’t give them their best shot to advance in the postseason.”
Let me make 2 things abundantly clear to you, Joe Morgan, you Former-Player-Now-Shilling-For-A-Current-Player:

1. Last postseason, the Angels got the shit swept out of them by Boston in the first round. Boston was the team of destiny. Having Ted Williams, Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, and Franklin Stubbs in the Angel lineup wouldn’t have altered their fate.

2. MOST IMPORTANTLY! The Anaheim Angels didn’t cheat their team and their fans by cutting loose Jose Guillen. JOSE MOTHERFUCKING GUILLEN cheated his team and its fans! Jose Guillen decided to act like a childish, subordinate prick. Not Mike Scioscia, not Arte Moreno, not Wally Joyner, not Donnie Moore, not Mickey Mouse. Jose Guillen is 100% solely responsible for his actions.
Hey Joe Morgan, why don’t you turn to Jon Miller, throw your microphone at him, call him a bald, fat cracker bitchfuck, and do it all on camera. Then we’ll watch ESPN cheat you out of your third Sports Emmy.

Stay tuned to Sunday Night Baseball this week when Joe Morgan will be providing a riveting retrospective on how CBS cheated sports fans out of Jimmy the Greek’s continued insight.

Joe Morgan, you are an Asshole, but I’ve no more time to spend railing against your worthless ass.
I’m going to Rubio’s for lunch.